Broker Test

This morning I take my brokers exam for work.  Since May 11th I have been taking an online course and doing significant amounts of studying.  I am oddly relaxed and nervous about the test.  It is a weird feeling that I recall from college during finals week where I feel I couldn't have done much more to prepare myself yet still doubt all the work I have done.

I think it is one of my flaws that I often will doubt myself when it comes to certain things.  I am not sure why but tests are one of them.  In High School one of the things that stands out that scared me and motivated me was new skills for my routines in gymnastics.  Often times new moves were very dangerous or something that no one on the team had ever tried but I felt compelled and often a sense of motivation to prove to others all that I could do them. 

For some reason though, even after completion doubt always seems to creep back in. I think we all have a need for affirmation.  I have learned this even more in my time in marriage, but the affirmation that will outdo any other in the understanding of a never ending affirmation and love of Jesus.  I need to always find ways to think of this more, and listen for His words speaking into my life.  It is so easy to doubt ourselves and hear things that will bring us down or tell us we can't do this or be successful at that.  Trusting in ourselves in a good thing, but it is not enough and you will always let yourself down.  Putting all your faith and trusting in Jesus will never let you down and always provide you with whatever you need even if it doesn't seem like it at the time.  Releasing control to Jesus is freeing and the best way we can fully live to the potential that He wants for our lives.

Looking back, some of the most affirming times came after I completed a flight check, test, or gymnastics routine.  It didn't matter so much the outcome, but the feeling of knowing that it was God that brought me as I can only do so much on my own.

Hopefully I can report back success later on!